Today was the kids last day of school and I find myself left with mixed feelings. On one hand, I'm glad for the time off, as there have been many stressful days this school year, but on the other hand I find myself anxious and confused over what I am supposed to do. I thrive on a schedule and routine and this change is stressful.
I am used to traveling in the summer and I HATE the idea that I am going to be stuck in Mississippi/Memphis for the WHOLE TIME..........I get cabin fever in a weekend and I can only imagine what I will be like in July. Hopefully I find a good routine that includes getting up early (well, early for me) and keeping busy for the rest of the day.
I was really taken aback by the amount of thanks and praise I got from the parents and the kids. I was thanked so many times for "all I do". That felt really nice, even though I felt awkward hearing it.
To be honest, I'm a little scared for Ethan's arrival. I'm scared/excited for the huge changes Jeremy and I will face. I just want to be a good mom and raise a son who is kind. I dread those moments when I feel resentful because Ethan won't stop crying. Maybe I should worry about that when the time comes. Emotions scare me because with me they are strong, in one direction or the other. When I am busy, I don't have too much time to worry about the future. I usually make lists of what I need to do, and attack those lists when I get a chance. Now that I am forced to slow down, I expect that I will be quite emotional. I have to accept that emotional doesn't mean bad, it just means I'm in tune with my body and psyche. That is what I tell myself when I am sitting in the living room crying for no reason haha.
Jeremy will be going to Maine for a few days in June for his 10 year class reunion. I am so excited for him to get a break. He works so hard, all the time, and doesn't ever complain about going to work or having to work. He's a stand up kinda guy :). I want him to get a break from the normal routine and take time for himself. I want him to be completely selfish on his mini vacation; stay up late drinking, sleep in late and reunite with old friends (unless it is a girl and she is pretty and thin. In that case, I will beat her down for flirting with my sexy man.)
Emily...some of us have seen first hand all that you do for those kids so I'm not a bit surprised at the thanks and praise you receive. It is well deserved! I have a hard time accepting compliments as well so understand how it can make one uncomfortable.
ReplyDeleteYour Mom and I are also dreading those times when you and Jeremy need a break from a crying baby and we are SO far away that we can't pitch in and comfort. I know Krisha will be a godsend to you when she can but our hearts will be heavy and our arms will be aching to cuddle when we know we are needed. :-( Don't be scared though honey. You will be so busy you won't know what hit you and you will love every second of it. (I wish I could hug you right now....) :-)
I can't wait to see Jeremy too. I'll do my best to spoil him while he is home as you can imagine. Just take very good care of yourself while he is away. I'm going to be nervous every second that he is not watching over you now!
Emily, i have absolutely NO reservations about your ability to raise a wonderful, happy, kind, moral, upstanding, honest son. He is so lucky to have you (both)!
ReplyDeleteParenting is hard, but you've seen enough kids to know what to do. Trust yourself. You are amazing. You cannot fail at this because you love so much. That's the most important thing; not perfection, but unconditional love.
I am so supremely happy for you.
Love,
*Jerz
Sweet Emily, I am not the least bit surprised by the parent's show of appreciation. And you can be doubly proud knowing they aren't typically a demonstrative bunch. I am so proud of you, Em. None of us came with an owner's manual, and as parents, we just have to punt. You will make mistakes, you will feel you are the worst parent on earth. But in the end, all will be well. I love you, my little Emily. I'll write more later (I'm at work!)
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